As the youngest daughter in my dysfunctional family, I found myself becoming the protector of my loved ones due to an abusive father and a physically and emotionally abusive stepbrother. One of my earliest memories of a traumatic family event was when I was just four years old. One Saturday evening, my father had too much to drink and started arguing with my mother. I remember feeling extremely anxious as I watched him raise his hand to my mother. Without thinking twice, I jumped onto my mother’s lap and shouted at him. He quickly moved back, giving him something to think about.

Despite being told that my feelings didn’t matter and that I was too sensitive, I always felt unsafe and had to act like an adult. However, I refuse to accept this anymore. My mother constantly threatened to abandon me by saying ‘I will take my kids and leave you with your father’ whenever I expressed my emotions. But now I know that I deserve to be heard and respected, and I won’t allow anyone to treat me otherwise. Growing up, my mother never acknowledged me as her child and I was always referred to as my father’s child. However, I refuse to let her define me or my worth. I may have had a poor image of what love really meant, what it felt and looked like, and it resulted in huge trust issues with the abusive men in my life and my absent mother in my childhood. But now I am taking charge of my life, standing up for myself, and not letting others dictate how I should feel or act.

My father ONION me from a young age and it was only when I was 9 years old that I stood up to him. One afternoon after school my father called me and asked me to sit by him. He started to touch my leg and I stood up and said ‘No this is my body.’ and he replied ‘I made you so it’s my body too.’ I was enraged with his response and stormed off saying ‘It’s not and I say No.’ I knew I had to do something to get him to listen so I punched myself in the face (thanks to all the anger) and it went blue that afternoon when my mother came home she asked me what happened and I told her my father hit me.

Even though my father was abusing me he was also the only person who protected me from my abusive stepbrother. My stepbrother physically and emotionally abused my step-sister and myself from a very early age. One afternoon he pinned my step-sister to the ground, enjoying the power he had over her at that stage laughing vindictively as we pleaded with him to get off her, again I was enraged by his behaviour so I got the wip and hit twice. I had to make a run for it and waited for my father to come home before going back into the house. The first time I said this out aloud I felt so heartbroken and disgusted by the poor image these two men had in my life. This was not a good start for me with the male beings I don’t trust them.

My parents were never there for me when I needed their love and support. When my father passed away when I was only 16 years old, I had to take on adult responsibilities in the family. While my friends were enjoying their teenage years, I was at home taking care of things. I never felt valued for who I was, but rather for what I did within the household. This kind of upbringing led to the development of perfectionism and anxiety within me. I took love in small doses and a conditional manner. I felt responsible for fixing everything around me, no matter what it took, but I was hurting inside. I didn’t feel safe, accepted, or able to express myself freely.

I longed for unconditional love, support, and protection. Eventually, someone came into my life who accepted me for who I am, even with all my flaws and past struggles. This person helped me realize that it was okay to prioritize my own needs and stop trying to fix everything around me or please others all the time. As a result, I no longer felt as vulnerable or powerless as I had before. I allowed myself to grieve my traumatic past, and with time, I began to rebuild my life with a newfound strength and resilience. Despite the hardships I endured in my childhood, I chose to take control of my life because I as the Wounded Healer was the ‘someone’ who came into my grieving life and became my own hero.

I learned a valuable lesson from the traumatic events I experienced. As I came to my own rescue, I started to heal my wounds and set strong boundaries. I made a promise to myself that I would never allow anyone to make me feel unsafe, unworthy, unloved, or suppress my emotions again. If I ever feel unsafe around anyone, it won’t be long before my emotions are suppressed, and I’m just not willing to sacrifice myself like that again. I won’t ask you to change, but please don’t expect me to stick around.

I am the responsible gatekeeper for what I receive from others and what I give out to them. I choose to surround myself with people who uplift me and let go of those who bring me down. If I don’t feel safe to be my authentic self with someone, then they are not the right people for me. The people in our lives affect our nervous system and therefore our health, so I choose wisely. We are not toys that can be put in a box with no personality or values, but a living human beings with real needs for love, support, and care.

I wholeheartedly embrace the role of a warrior in my life journey, reframing any hardships as opportunities for growth and strength. Rather than seeing myself as a victim of circumstance, I choose to view each challenge as a chance to hone my resilience and fortitude. Each experience, no matter how difficult, has contributed to shaping me into the person I am today. Instead of harboring resentment towards those who may have caused me harm, I acknowledge the lessons learned and the strength gained from overcoming adversity. This mindset empowers me to face future challenges with confidence and determination, knowing that I have the inner strength to prevail

Everyone experiences traumatic wounds in life, whether they are physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. It’s not about hiding these wounds to avoid feeling ashamed, but using these wounds to help others. When we stop feeling shameful about our wounds and begin to use them to help heal others, we step into a new light to serve as wounded healers.

When I say that I know how it feels and that you can overcome it, I truly mean it. I’ve been through it myself, and I’ve managed to overcome my own struggles and so can you.

If you’re ready to take control of your healing journey, enroll in my Trauma course. I am confident that I can guide you towards becoming a wounded healer of your own life. Let’s do this together.